The devil whispered in my ear “you’re not strong enough to withstand the storm” I whispered back, “I am the storm”
Today was a lot.
“No suspicious mass, suspicious microcalcifications, or other sign of malignancy is identified.” Today was a lot. As you know I have attempted to mentally prepare myself for each step of this journey. For some reason, I thought today would be easy. No mental preparation needed. For self preservation, I have spent the last year ignoring…
1 in 8. 1 year later.
1 in 8 women in the US will be diagnosed with breast cancer in their lifetime. 1 year ago today, I had the mammogram and ultrasound that showed the lump in my breast had “irregular margins”, “skin thickening”, and a bi rad score of 5… indicating that a biopsy was needed as all signs pointed…
Childless Mother
Trigger Warning Infertility/miscarriage/child or infant loss This one is really deep, devastatingly personal, and raw… but I wanted to share it because I know someone will read it and say me too, and I’ve scoured the internet to find something, someone who can say “me too” to me. Childless Mother. I have processed and accepted…
World Cancer Day
A little Saturday morning pearl of wisdom from me on World Cancer Day. I’m a highly empathetic person. I understand a lot. I understand why a person behaves the way they do. I can trace a behavior back to the way their daycare situation was handled as a baby and give you a whole life…
It’s the little things
It’s the little things. This seems so simple in the grand picture of everything I’ve been through, but removing my port was huge! Yesterday, my little button, as I always called it, got removed from my chest. That little constant reminder that I was sick. I remember having it placed inside me, a daunting sign…
Phase 5: Maintenance
I returned to the infusion center today. Phase 5: Maintenance Today was a little heavy. Let me explain. I started my Tamoxifen on Jan 13th. This medication will suppress my hormones, starving the cancer. It will also push me into menopause. The doctor is hopeful I will only have to take this medicine a short…
Active treatment is done!
Active treatment is done. It feels like yesterday I sat in the room at MRI and the doctor told me I needed a biopsy… I remember sobbing in my car for a good while before scheduling the biopsy… a week later, “it’s cancer”… another sobbing session… then in a flash I switched into survival mode.…
Ring the bell!
RING THE BELL!!!!! Phase 1: Surgery ✅Phase 2: Egg Retrieval ✅Phase 3: 16 rounds of Chemotherapy ✅Phase 4: 33 rounds of Radiation ✅ It. Is. Done. I’ll be ugly crying on and off all day at Hudson’s Mill if you want to stop by and give me a squeeze! There’s a lot of emotions and…
Radiation
Phase 4: how it’s going… I started radiation last Monday. I only did 3 treatments because of the holiday so today was number 5. Radiation is mostly fine, besides having to be there at 8:30am every day. I don’t feel anything while it’s happening and I’m in and out in 20-25 mins. So far I…
Phase 4 start date postponed.
Phase 4 Start Date Postponed: I was supposed to begin radiation tomorrow which would have brought my finish date on treatment close to the end of the year which I was really aiming for- to leave cancer in 2022. However, as much as I strive to be the overachiever that I am… my body had…
Chemo complete.
Phase 3 complete. My final round of chemo was completed Friday. We couldn’t go out without a bang I suppose… I went all 20 weeks of chemo without any additional illness… this week I went in with a head cold which just got worse as the weekend went on followed by a visit from a…
And just like that…
And just like that…One more sleep… then phase 3 ends!!!! I remember lying in my bed the night before chemo started wondering how this was all going to go… nervous… worried… scared… I remember sitting in the waiting room the first day reminding myself that this would fly by and before I knew it, I…
Phase 3 & 4 update!
Breast Cancer messed with the wrong witch! Phase 3 & 4 update! This week was eventful in the treatment department. Today was my 11th taxol, 15th chemo treatment… which means 1 MORE CHEMO and I’m done! Yayyyyy!!!! Monday I met with the radiation Dr, Dr Knoll, to discuss Phase 4. Phase 4I will have 33…
Happy Birthday, me.
Happy Birthday, me. You beautiful, bald, bad ass, you. Look at you. Look at how far you’ve come. How much you’ve grown. I’m so proud of you. You learned to love yourself. You learned to count on you. You learned that at the end of the day, you are your biggest champion. Your strongest warrior.…
8/12 Taxol complete!
🎀Breast Cancer Awareness Month 🎀 ( • )EARLY DETECTION IS KEY TO SURVIVAL ( • ) CHEMO UPDATE! I’ve completed 8/12 Taxol treatments!Competed 12/16 Chemo treatments! The finish line is so close! I wanted to highlight the chemo drug I’m on now: TAXOLPaclitaxel, the most well-known natural-source cancer drug in the United States, is derived…
Transformation.
This journey has been a transformation for me… one of strength, confidence, resilience, and hope… it seemed only appropriate to document this moment in the journey. The fight. The storm. 16 rounds of chemo. I’m winning. 🎀 The devil whispered in my ear, “you’re not strong enough to withstand the storm” I whispered back… I…
Some things…
As I navigate through the big C, I have done a lot of digging through my head for the “whys” of me. Counseling and group talk therapy have aided this process… I realize that from the time I was young, any time I was hurt physically or emotionally, the response was always “you’re fine” and…
3/12 Taxol
Friday I completed 3/12 Taxol infusions. This drug is known for allergic reaction which I experienced last week. The nurse told me this week what you have the reaction to is the preservative in the drug, not the drug itself. So the paclitaxel is mixed with castor oil, Taxol. The reaction your body has is…
Chemo part 2
Chemo Part 2. Friday I had my first of 12 taxol infusions. These will be weekly infusions. I was there for 5 hours even though these are supposed to be shorter infusions. The front desk still leaves something to be desired, particularly as your first point of contact for your cancer treatment. I really shouldn’t…
Taxol #1
Really embracing my “no hair head” as Hudson calls it lol last weekend I let it soak in some sun surrounded by some lovely ladies who made my weekend before beginning weekly chemo one to remember. Yesterday began a 12 week cycle of Taxol infusions. While this one is supposed to be shorter I still…
Last AC!
Chemo #4 The lash dose of AC! Adriamycin & Cytoxan are done! This was the strong chemo and according to my doctor, the “hard part” which she says I made it through pretty damn well. I was a bit emotional on Friday, thinking to myself I made it. I made it through the rough one.…
Chemo side affects
Chemo Side Affects So everyone knows about the nausea, the fatigue, hair loss… some other fun Chemo side affects I have encountered: Dry Mouth Extreme Dry Eye Acid Reflux Chemo Brain Chemo Bruising
Feeling self conscious
One of the things I worried about when I started losing my hair was that my bald head would freak the kids out. They’re not used to seeing Aunt Mimi with no hair so I tried to be funny and show them my Snapchat filter pics of a bald me before it started falling out……
Chemo #3
Chemo #3: Feel like I’m getting the hang of this… probably just in time to switch medications! Lol this round gave me some extra nausea Friday evening… a call to the doc on call and swooping rescue pharmacy run from Kristen and I was good as new. I find that mostly I am just tired.…
My hair…
When I decided to share this journey the way that I have, I made a promise not to sugarcoat it and not to omit the hard stuff. As a person who has spent a good portion of their life shoving feelings aside, putting on a brave face, pushing emotions deep down, and training myself to…
Chemo #2 update
Chemo treatment #2 update: A lot of hair came out in the shower Friday morning… and continued to do so all weekend… there were lots of tears and breathing exercises, Jacqueline O’Kane (why can’t I tag you lol) came to my rescue and cut it for me so I didn’t have to keep pulling these…
Chemo #2
Chemo Treatment #2 Yesterday I got my 2nd infusion. I was a bit over confident in my “feeling well” and did a little shopping on the way home. Needless to say that meant I hadn’t drank water or used the bathroom for longer than I should have which meant the nausea kicked in Friday night.…
6 weeks post op
6 Weeks Post Op It’s officially been 6 weeks since Lumpy was evicted. The steri-strips have finally fallen off and I can see the scar. I think it’s healing quite nicely and over time will fade. I will say that I still have some swelling in the area but for the most part the girls…
Chemo #1 review
Chemo #1 Review:0 stars. Do not recommend. To go along with my positive attitude and transparent truth about this whole thing, I will share that this was not my favorite part of the process. I felt ok Friday evening after treatment and Saturday as well. I was tired, but mostly ok. I began the anti-nausea…
Chemo Day 1
Chemo DAY 1- A/C 1 of 4. Today was a long day, very eventful. I met everyone at the infusion center, they were all super nice and caring. You saw the video about the awesome bag of treats! We got lunch and snacks and drinks if we needed. I talked to the nurses, the social…
Chemo Comfort Bag
Chemo day 1 is complete! I will post a longer run down later after my nap, but I wanted to share this sooner rather than later. For my first chemotherapy appointment today, I was given this beautiful chemo comfort bag! I was not expecting this at all and I was overwhelmed by the items inside!…
One more sleep…
One more sleep… then phase 3 begins! This is my chemo drawer. I have amassed a collection of items from suggestions of others who have gone through this before me in hopes of minimizing the side effects as best I can. We’ll see how it goes. I know I have no control over how my…
Echocardiogram & Port Insertion
Echocardiogram and Port Insertion I left my house at 8am this morning to get my echo done at 9am… if you’ve never had one of these, it’s where they take ultrasound photographs of your heart… jamming your rib cage, stomach, and neck with an ultrasound… really fun. My port insertion was scheduled for 10:30am and…
Phase 3: Chemotherapy
I will tell you something that can possibly be attributed any away that you believe… fear, paranoia, intuition… I have for most of my life always “known” many things before they came to fruition. If you’ve intimately followed my life the last 2 years, you know that my faith in the universe and our inner…
Phase 2 Complete: Egg Retrieval
If you’ve been following along, then you know that part of this process is doing an egg retrieval as a combination of things concerning my treatment plan will damage potential eggs, shut down my ovaries, and not allow me to carry a pregnancy to term without risking a recurrence of the cancer. So 2 days…
Those pics
“The devil whispered in my ear: ‘You’re not strong enough to withstand the storm.’ I whispered back: ‘I am the storm.” One of the things going into this that bothered me was the idea of looking sick. I hated the idea that at some point throughout this process, especially if I have chemo, it will…
Lymph Node Pathology Results
Phase 1 Complete: I had my post-surgery follow up appointment with Dr Kelemen today. He said I am healing nicely! He told me that he removed all of the cancer, the margins were negative and lumpy was sent off for its Oncotype test to determine if I need chemo or not. I will get those…
Me & Her
This has been a transformative journey for me in the short time it has been going on. It feels like an eternity that I was waiting for surgery but in reality surgery happened exactly 2 months from my mammogram. 8 weeks. In 8 weeks, I had to process that I had cancer growing in me,…
What they didn’t tell me…
4 days post op. I did so much research about the cancer when I got my diagnosis. Like I read ALL OF THE THINGS. I read about the surgery and what to expect. So many articles and posts describing it. None of them mentioned I would look like this. There were no pictures. No warning.…
I am not superwoman.
Humbling is a word I would use to describe this process. You know me… go, go, go… never sit down, never take a break. Always ON! I have since the diagnosis really had to listen to my body, physically and mentally. Asking for and allowing help has been a big one for me, which I…
Recovery!
Greetings from my bed! Surgery went great yesterday. Phelps is such a nice hospital, everyone was so kind and caring. All the nurses, my surgical team was AWESOME! They wheeled me in right on time, got me all prepped and stuff. The wheel on my bed got stuck on the way and of course I…
And so it begins…
And so it begins… The cancer gets removed today, Lumpy is officially evicted. This, in my mind, is the easy part. I’m not doing anything, it’s all Dr Keleman. I’m just taking a nice nap. The real journey begins today, so I will take a deep breath, ask for protection from above, and know and…
I just took a DNA test…
Turns out, I’m 100% genetically normal! I finally got the results of my genetic testing back. The doctor ordered a full cancer panel which means they tested 84 different genes to see if I had any genetic abnormalities that would indicate I am predisposed to cancer. I do not. So this cancer is a random…
Lumpy’s Eviction Notice!
Lumpy has been handed the eviction notice! May 24th is surgery day After what seems like forever, it really hasn’t been that long but having cancer in your body seems like an eternity; my surgery is scheduled for May 24th at 1pm. Just wanted to also share again how wonderful my surgeon is, Dr Keleman…
Fertility Appointment & Surgery Date
This waiting period is annoying… doc returned from his vacation and I met with him on Wednesday. I informed him he is holding up my life and could we move along here and schedule my surgery. The scheduler is out with covid and returns Monday (May 9th) so I should be able to hand Lumpy…
Hematologist Visit
So I met with Dr Katz today, shes very nice and explained lots of things to me about the next coming months and possible treatment avenues. How things will happen going forward is I will have surgery to remove lumpy and then lumpy gets sent off for further testing. Lumpy will have an Oncotype DX…
3/23 to 4/23 Info Dump!
So in late February I found a lump in my right breast, I’ve had a benign cyst before so I didn’t think much of it but did schedule an appt with the GYN to get a prescription for a mammogram as I’m 40 and need one of those now anyway. I had the mammo and…
adriamycin brca gene breast cancer chemo chemotherapy cytoxan egg retreival fertility genetic testing her2negative hormone positive cancer invasiveductalcarcinoma ivf lumpectomy mammogram mammography neulasta port radiation red devil tamoxifen taxol world cancer day zoladex
Titty Gate 