Titty Gate

1 in 8 women.

1 in 8 women will be diagnosed with breast cancer in their lifetime. When I turned 40, I felt a new chapter of my life was beginning, I did not expect it to include cancer. But then we never really know what life is going to throw our way. This all happened very quickly for me and the last few weeks have brought out every emotion possible when given this kind of news. Sadness, anger, fear, but also strength and hope. Every tough moment in my life has shown me how strong I can be and how with hope, there is always a brighter day ahead. Life has prepared me for this and I have no doubt that like everything else, I will come out the other side stronger, wiser, and better than before.

I was hesitant to share this mostly because it made it real. If I didn’t then I could pretend it wasn’t really happening, but that’s just not possible. The next few months will come with a lot of ups and downs particularly with my emotions.

I try to find the light and the humor in bad situations and so I have named this chapter of my life, TittyGate and nicknamed the invader in my body, Lumpy. Lumpy feeds on the hormones in my body and so I will evict Lumpy first and then embark on a treatment that includes messing with my hormones. I’m already an emotional person so this should be fun!

Mostly I wished to share because I interact with a lot of people and we trade pleasantries “how are you?” and well the fact is “I’m good” is an odd response for me at the moment.

One day I might be really tired or exhausted from phone calls and information overload. The medication I’ll be taking will alter my mood and so I might receive a text or message and just not have the energy to respond. Basically I want you all to know, it’s not you, it’s the drugs. I also feel a lot of women keep their struggles to themselves. We’re expected to do everything and anything no matter what, with a smile, and damn if that isn’t exhausting in and of itself.

So I wanted to say, me too, to all the women who are struggling with something similar or different, but struggling all the same.

We’re all human and we’re not meant to walk through life pretending to be ok all the time. I’m big on mental health and knowing our boundaries and limits. Taking time for ourselves. Making sure we’re good and asking for help if we’re not. I’ve had to teach myself to ask for help. I’m someone who always tries to be there all the time for everyone. I pour all my love out to those I care about. Right now, I need to give all that love to myself. It’s crucial that I take care of me.

So if you see me and ask how I’m doing and I say “I’m good”, know that behind that is a lot. I am good and I know I’ll be good, but some days may just be more difficult than others. So please bare with me.

Everyone always asks “what can I do?”. Honestly, there’s not much, but what I will ask for is good vibes, prayers, loving energy, and healing sent my way. I’ll feel the love, even if it’s coming from miles away.

If you’ve gone through this or know someone who has and you have something to share, I’ll take it! I’ve read and learned so much in the last few weeks, my brain is on overload. So anything you might think of that’s productively helpful would be great.

If you made it this far, thank you. 💗