Titty Gate

“The devil whispered in my ear: ‘You’re not strong enough to withstand the storm.’ I whispered back: ‘I am the storm.”

One of the things going into this that bothered me was the idea of looking sick. I hated the idea that at some point throughout this process, especially if I have chemo, it will be undeniable that I am “sick”. I knew that at some point I would look at myself in the mirror and be saddened and disheartened by what I look like. Yes strength and beauty comes from within, but it’s hard to see yourself that way sometimes and let’s face it we all suffer from some form of vanity. I remember when I was very heavy and could never “look good” in my eyes. I look back now at those pictures and see how far I’ve come. How much better I look and feel to myself. What became striking to me in all this was the idea of mutilating Her made me finally accept Her and love Her as she is and I wanted to memorialize her before surgery.

So I asked my friend Kristen, who is a gifted photographer, to take photographs of me. So that when I’m “sick”, I can look at them and remember that I’ll be pretty again. This too shall pass and I will feel whole and beautiful at the other end of this.

I did not expect the process of taking these to feel so empowering the way it did. I think you can see it in the pictures, Kristen captured it as only one with the right eye can. While we were doing the shoot, I intended to take topless photos because the point was to memorialize Her before surgery, but it was so freeing and at one point it was like IDGAF, clothes off!!! Those are the shots I will not share here; one because they are for me, two because my mother would have a stroke lmao and three because they would get taken down lol. But I think I chose the most tasteful to share!

For me the most powerful one is the one you can clearly see Lumpy in. There in my most vulnerable state, you can see how small Lumpy is compared to Us. I didn’t expect taking these pictures to give me a sense of regaining Our power. But it did. Her and Me.

“The devil whispered in my ear: ‘You’re not strong enough to withstand the storm.’ I whispered back: ‘I am the storm.”