Titty Gate

Phase 4: how it’s going…

I started radiation last Monday. I only did 3 treatments because of the holiday so today was number 5. Radiation is mostly fine, besides having to be there at 8:30am every day. I don’t feel anything while it’s happening and I’m in and out in 20-25 mins. So far I don’t have any redness or skin irritation but it’s only been 5 treatments.

What has really been a challenge is the cumulative side effects of taxol. Even though I am done with chemo, taxol side effects often come on afterwards. Particularly the peripheral neuropathy- weakness, numbness, and pain in the hands and feet due to nerve damage.

Since about 8 weeks into taxol I would experience random sparks in my feet or hands that would come and go very quickly and my toes would often have a numb feeling. It wasn’t painful just weird. I have a hard time sleeping and wake up a lot and now realize that’s from the neuropathy. I am constantly uncomfortable. Sitting, standing, walking, laying down… I can only do each for a short time before I need to move. If I fall asleep on my side, I wake up within 2 hours and my hand is numb. So I switch sides and the same thing will happen so I end up on my back which is just an uncomfortable position for me to sleep in. I’ve been sleeping on my back since surgery so I can confidently say I haven’t experienced restful sleep since May.

I haven’t mentioned this because it’s me and I just soldier through but I’ve reached a point where I basically feel miserable all the time. Saturday night was the breaking point for me. I over engaged in movement and by the end of the evening could barely walk to my car. I was up until 3am with my feet just aching, radiating up my legs. I iced them, that made it worse. Then they were burning and itchy. It was not a fun evening. The last 3 days my whole body just aches and today my legs fell asleep while I was driving home. I have a hard time getting off the floor if I bend down to get something. My overall mobility is increasingly compromised and as we all know I am a mover… not being able to move is problematic for me.

My doctor has recommended Gabapentin which is commonly used for nerve pain among other things. I do not really want to take this medication but I feel pretty miserable and it is clear that I cannot manage daily tasks without some type of relief. Neuropathy can take months to go away after chemo and for some it never goes away. I am hoping I am not one of those people.

In other news, my eye lashes are growing back and are stubby and stabbing my eyeballs and collecting crust on my lids so I have to clean them good to avoid getting a stye.

The positive sentence in this post is I have a pretty solid head of hair that is growing daily so ya know there’s that… it is very upsetting to me to be experiencing so much pain after being done with chemo. I felt like I did so well soldiering through that part, to have it come kick me in the ass afterwards is disconcerting. Especially this time of year.

I have finally accepted/realized/understood that my recovery from breast cancer treatment will not miraculously occur overnight once I’m done with treatment. This is a hard pill to swallow as I come to understand this is going to follow me into 2023. I will try my best to remain positive through it and hope that I feel better each day as time marches on. 💗