Titty Gate

A little Saturday morning pearl of wisdom from me on World Cancer Day.

I’m a highly empathetic person. I understand a lot. I understand why a person behaves the way they do. I can trace a behavior back to the way their daycare situation was handled as a baby and give you a whole life breakdown of why they married the person they did or chose the career they did or drive the car they drive… For someone I’ve just met, I can understand a vibe I’m receiving negative or positive pretty quickly and mostly I can identify a “wait and see”. I understand when people hurt me, that’s more about them than it is about me. I understand that I am someone who is easier to hurt than another because I give a lot of grace to people. I will almost always allow a conversation, forgiveness, and at the very least my “understanding” of what happened and I will almost always hear someone out.

Anyway my point is I am someone who understands deeply.

So when there are things in my life that I do not understand, it can be difficult for me to navigate them. I have questions… why did my Dad have to die so young, why aren’t I married, why don’t I have children, why don’t I get to have/do/see XYZ… why did I get cancer.

I am someone who believes that good or bad, everything happens for a reason, and as long as you learn and you grow from it, you will be better off in life and as a person.

I think I’ve always struggled with the reason. I need there to be a definitive reason. I need to logically explain to myself the whys of all the questions I have… I need to understand.

So it hit me this morning in the shower, where all our deepest moments occur… alone in water… there’s a lot there we can unpack as well… another time… it hit me in the shower that I have to release the need to understand.

There’s nothing to understand here. This happened and for whatever reason I had a choice. A choice to allow Cancer to drag me deeper down a rabbit hole of whys… or a choice to soldier through it and forget about the why.

Maybe that was reason. Maybe that was the why. To learn to stop trying to understand everything. I don’t need to understand it all, I just need to know how to navigate it all. And now I know I can navigate it… without the why.